Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Chat-up Lines

Hello lovers, today I realised that I have neglected my favourite topic of all for some time. What could it be? Chicken? No. Shoes? No. Sp**k? Maybe.

That’s right I haven’t talked about boys for ages, so let’s get back to what I am best at. Trying, and the emphasis is on ‘trying’ here, to decipher and to comprehend the eternal mystery that are boys and their weird little world.

Phew! Mission.

So what can we talk about? Already discussed everything from bad sneakers to bad hair and bad habits. So it might be a good idea to tackle the sticky topic of chat-up lines. Oh dear, I know it can only go downhill from here.

From my experience, there is one big rule to make sure it works out with a guy and that’s NEVER chat a boy up, cause they get scared and you quickly fall into the ‘whore’ category of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy.
You know you have to act all coy and shy and yet a bit demanding with a distinct down-to-earth vibe. I know it’s fucking impossible. So let’s get down to the good stuff. Here are some tested chat-up lines and the consequent (bad) male reactions. Enjoy.

So I am a very outspoken and honest kind of person, so naturally and logically my chat-up lines are like that too. Here is a selection of the *best* ones.

Line #1: Hi you are really hot and I think we would look good together. Do you wanna go on a date?

Reaction #1: Oh wow are you European? What’s your name? This is my friend Tim, he likes Europeans.

Line #2: Hi I saw you the other day at a gig and I was too shy to talk to you, but I was wondering if you would like to go for a drink at some point soon? I hope this doesn’t freak you out?

Reaction #2: Oh hi, yeah I saw you too and a drink sounds lovely. And don’t worry it doesn’t weird me out at all. (He then runs away and you never hear from him again)

Line #3: What’s your deal?

Reaction #3: Do you wanna marry me?

Line #4: Hi, did you just say you like the new Maccabees record and you went to see These New Puritans the other day and that Jonny Flynn is your favourite singer? That’s amazing I love them all.

Reaction #4: Yeah my girlfriend got me into them.

Line #5: I think we should at least make out tonight!

Reaction #5: Do you want to? Well that’s great. I think it would be better if we lied down. You know I can only work the magic then. Wow your skin is so soft and you are very attractive. What do I really have to put bedsheets on? What do you really need pillows? Anyway this is great. We are just friends though okay?

Laters, lovers x

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