Wednesday, 27 January 2010

No more unicorns and candy-floss

Hello lovers, so I think that recently I have been way too nicey-nice talking about fairytales and unicorns and candy floss and ‘the one’ and shit like that. I’m bored now of being in Pleasantville, so let’s get down to the good stuff.

1. For ages I actually though I was a-sexual, cause I never really had the desire to interact (and you know what I mean by interact) with anybody. That doesn’t mean I didn’t fancy people, I fancy people all the time. But it was in a cushy ‘oh you are soooo cute and I wanna hold hands with you’ way, whereas now it’s more like ‘I don’t care about holding hands, I wanna hold something else’ kinda way. Maybe I am turning into a guy. Finally.

2. I just wanna be friends with benefits with certain guys and get naked in the woods. Weird. Maybe I am experiencing my rowdy teenage phase extremely late?

3. I don’t mind chest hair anymore.

4. I don’t mind beards anymore(?).

5. I still mind back hair though. I ain’t Samantha you know.

6. I used to have a tutor at uni, my favourite tutor as a matter of fact, who stubbornly proclaimed that all people self-harm. They do it in different ways, some mentally, some by cutting themselves, some by drug-addictions, some by choosing guys who beat them up and so and so on and then he proceeded to cut himself in front of class whilst filming it for the BFI. I am digressing however. I think that all humans crave some sort of pain and sex is the most natural way to get it. It’s an animalistic, wild and realistically quite ‘unhygienic’ (problem for some OCD people) act and the more you accept that it will always be ‘dirty’ and weird and awkward, the more comfortable you will be with it. Whatever. Get low.

7. Joseph from Metronomy says “Heartbreaker- I’ll break her”. And we all know what he means really.

8. Don’t be scared, use protection, have fun.

9. Don’t over-think.

10. Over-do!

Laters Linda

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