Hello sugar faces, lately I have been reminiscing about past loves and heartbreaks and it struck me how we always tend to categorise these times in life and how we try and take something from every single ‘episode’- at least that’s what I think people do, I certainly do.
Well there’s your fist love, which might be the most exciting/intense/pure one in anybody’s life. My first love certainly shaped what kind of guys I like, still today. He was in a band and he was very pretty in a boyish way and a bit aloof. He was also very self-aware and self-doubting. He was melancholic and I read that as being deep and mysterious. I was completely smitten with him and thought he was anything I could ever ask for. I was obsessed. Then he went off with another girl and my world broke down. Sometimes I think if I ever saw him again now, I would either still like him like I used to or I would think what was that all about? Probably the latter. Anyway, I am grateful for that first love because it was intense and it made me feel. It showed me the power of liking someone, and I am not calling it the L word for sure, because I doubt that your first ‘love’ ever really justifies the L word.
Then there was the ‘mentor’ one. The one that opens new horizons and that makes you think about stuff like you have never thought about stuff before. And I am not talking in the bedroom here, get your mind out of the gutter, please. I am talking about spirituality, philospohy, religion, film, desire and, you know, stuff like that. He is usually a bit older and way cooler than you are, but he never shows off. He is a wise man and in my case he partly made me the person I am today. I used to be incredibly shy and extremely self-aware, but he showed me that giving is so much more fulfilling than receiving and he made me realise that you first have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anybody else. This guy was crucial to my life and I will always carry warmth for him in my heart.
Then we have the significantly older guy, the one that is not your type for some reason, but that doesn’t matter as there’s just physical attraction. The older guy taught me that ‘types’ are bullshit and that you can fall for anyone. He introduced me to music I hated, he showed me the virtue of patience and talked about film a lot. He made me see that being passionate and having fire doesn’t fade with age (sorry I make him sound like he’s 88….gross…when he was actually just 40). I think I am sharing way too much information right now….urghhhh. Anyway, what I want to say is that it’s good to think outside of the box, because you might just like what you find. I certainly did.
And finally we have the douche bag. Oh dear. Yes we all are guilty of liking complete knobs (ha ha) at some point. When I was at uni I was obsessed with a complete idiot and I thought his stupid remarks were funny and that his silly insecure jibes were hilarious. However, deep down they were just cringe-worthy. When I look back now he’s the only one I am truly embarrassed about because he’s a loser and I don’t tend to use that word lightly. He was a misogynist brat, which I 'interpeted' as being cocky and flirty. What it comes down to was that he loved himself more than he ever loved anybody else and that he probably still thinks he’s the greatest. Sad. Dickhead. However, on the plus side he taught me that I simply should never settle for people that are not worthy of my attention and that I can do much better. Physical attraction is one thing but if there’s no intellectual spark, then just dump him for God’s sake. It’s way better being single than being with somebody annoying.
Right enough of my life for now. I really have to get onto those Dawson’s Creek episodes now cause I feel guilty not examining every single detail of Pacey and Joey’s relationship for you. Boom.