Thursday, 29 July 2010

Boys as Soup

Guys!! Today’s blog-post might be my best one yet. It might also be the most mental one. I would love to write about soup....and boys. Recently I have discovered a totally all-consuming obsessive love for soup. Very strange. And since my poor little brain cannot register anything other than soup anymore, I thought it might be a great idea to compare soup and boys. The only two things I care about. Yes! Yes? Not really. Anyway this is going to be exceptionally good, I hope.

Cream of chicken soup – maybe a classic, certainly a classic in my life as I love the chicken. With its full flavour Cream of Chicken soup is a long standing favourite, which tastes especially great garnished with parsley and served with a fresh warm brown roll.
In boy form Cream of Chicken soup would be an astonishingly pasty, maybe even milky-skinned beauty of an indie boy. He would mooch around in his slightly low skinny jeans and he would be quite a smooth operator with the ladies. He'd listen to Belle and Sebastian. How I come up with this shit, I don’t know.

Tomato soup – Now I love a good tomato soup especially as it’s got such a spicy yet fruity flavour. But there is a fine distinction between tomato soup and cream of tomato soup and in boy form, I would definitely prefer the latter. Even though tomato soup probably has got fewer calories, cream of tomato soup has flavour and creaminess and texture. Soup with no substance is not delicious soup. Boys with no substance are not delicious boys. You get me?

Mulligatawny soup is a classic, spicy soup made from an exciting combination of beef, rice and curry spices, with a hint of mango chutney. Wowzers, now this boy would be exotic and intriguing and slightly scary. He would wear a bandana. Sometimes. Don’t worry he would look cool, like Slash in his Guns’n’Roses hey-day. He would be all over you one minute and totally elusive the next. However, once you tasted this soup/boy, you’re hooked. There is no way back. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Minestrone - Created with a blend of pasta, selected vegetables and rich tomatoes, Minestrone is a delicious soup. See this soup might look good at first sight with all its varied ingredients and multitude of flavours, but it just doesn’t translate to boy form. Even though the packaging looks highly promising, its contents are a let-down. Too much, too soon. And what does that teach us? Don’t be fooled by the nice packaging, cause the soup probably still got a shitload of salt in it, and will still be bad for you. Pretty boys don’t always equate nice boys.

Spinach & Chickpea Soup – a light Moroccan inspired flavourful soup which contains loads of goodness. This boy would be a hippie at heart and he would sometimes wear sandals or some shit like that. However, he would also be extremely popular and get along with lots of people. He might have a high-powered job in the city but truly he just wants to have his own ranch and become a fig farmer or something. He would listen to Bob Dylan, Godspeed You Black Emperor and Yeasayer. He would be sweet.

Oxtail Soup – This is a rather strong and very meaty soup. Not the easiest to stomach for some, a true specialty for others. This boy would be a jock. He would be a right beefcake and be well into his rugby/football/gym. However, when it’s time for cuddling he’s all up for it, cause at heart he’s just a little lamb.

Broccoli & Melton Mowbray Stilton Soup – Wow what a soup. Rich, intensely flavoured and very peculiar. Broccoli and Stilton, that sounds a bit like a love-hate affair, but there are definitely sparks there. Hence it’s not everybody’s cup of tea, but people who love it, really love it. As a boy this soup would be quite an intense and moody specimen, but he would also have particular charms and really deep green eyes. He’s one of those that always remain slightly mysterious, maybe even awkward. Simultaneously, he’s also fascinating. He would have smelly feet though.

Carrot & Coriander Soup – Hmm this light and fresh soup contains quite an explosive combination. Some people love coriander, others hate it with a passion. This boy would be an artist, he would be colourful in dress sense and life style. He would be difficult, but once you got to grips with his emotional volatility, he would be an exciting guy to be with and surely never bland or boring. The two C’s in this soup surely stand for crazy and colourful. Try at your own risk.

Finally, there are a few words of wisdom about soup and boys that that my extraordinarily clued-up friend and super blogger Emma wants to share:

1. Soup that still has the leftover spoon of the person before in it is soup that you don’t want to get involved with.

2. Cold soup is not appealing soup. Boys with no affection are a definite LOSE.


Laters x

1 comment:

  1. Indeed, great post. Félicitations.