Monday, 5 April 2010

Zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket

Good day lovers, it’s Easter. Woooooo. I went egg hunting. I do that quite a lot actually.

Anyway how are you feeling? Overdosed on food? Overdosed on reality TV? Argued with the family too much? Oh well shit happens.

Today I would like to talk about for what and why we are waiting. By ‘we’ I obviously mean girls. It’s an odd thing we do. Just waiting for the guy to text or waiting for the guy to call or waiting for the guy to ask you out or waiting for the guy to make the first move?

Well if he doesn’t do it straight away, there’s a high chance he will never do it, you know. And quite frankly I am tired of staring at my phone or my inbox and refreshing it like 353267 times to get yet another ASOS newsletter but nothing else. Is that too honest? Maybe. Is that too sad? Definitely.

That got me thinking: why do girls wait? Are we taught not be too forward cause that will put him off straight away? Yes.
Are we conditioned too try and not be intimidating and be passive and a good wifey? Yes.
And that’s why the fuck we are waiting until it suffocates us and we actually write drama-queen texts like “Hi, you know what, forget it” or “get lost loser, you missed your chance”. However, all he will be thinking is “WTF?” and he will also be completely clueless what we mean cause boys just don’t think in these parameters, do they?

So take my advice and trust me: The more you wait, the less likely it is he texts.

If you don’t give a shit boys are all over you like trendy wannabes are all over Topshop, but if you do care, boys freak out and smell your fear like dogs, hence they disappear instantly. The old ‘boys are like busses’ saying is true for a reason.

So I thought it might be a nice and encouraging way to deal with silence from his side by just getting a life and doing other stuff. Cause you know life is more than just waiting for some guy to text you. Yes really girls.

So here is my top-five things to do whilst waiting:

Listen to Kelly Cutrone and “zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket.” Just shut up about him not phoning for God’s sake girl. If he doesn’t exist in your thoughts, he doesn’t exist in your world. Ya get me?

Plan a nice if only imaginary trip to New York / LA / Tokyo and create a proper travel itinerary. Go online and research the best places to eat / shop / discover and spend some time at. Plan outfits and call up your friends to discuss them. If you are really waiting for that text, learn the language of the country you’re planning to visit, that will keep you occupied. And no I am not talking about English, lazy suckers.

Work out. My preferred work-out involves some serious Tae-Bo kicking and boot-camp style torture courtesy of Billy Blanks. Not only will you get rid of your anger, but you will also acquire rock-hard abs, which then in turn guarantees that you can worry about at least 34 other boys not phoning. Ha!

Read the Love magazine blog. Some seriously fascinating shit. If you’re into fashion that is.

Go on an epic walk around the countryside / massive park in your city even if it rains. Puts things into perspective and will make you too tired to wait for his texts. Plus your legs will look fab afterwards.

That’s it....simple, easy....loving you all lovers. Don’t worry I will always text you back. x

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