Monday, 30 November 2009

What's in it for me?

Hello everybody, so today is that fateful day. I have given in and started my own blog. Yadda yadda I know it’s soooo over, but whatevs. So, why, I hear you asking?

Well, first of all (and most importantly) I love to rant and I love my friends but my friends don’t love when I rant about my life/love-life/lack of love-life to them, so The Book of Linda will be my emotional outlet for every single bit of brain dump that I can come up with.

Now doesn’t that sound fascinating and like a good read? Thought so!

I guess I will write about everything that comes to me, but obviously The Book of Linda is mainly about boys, men, self-analysis, music, loads of it, film and TV (mainly Dawson’s Creek and Kevin Smith films) and maybe a tiny bit of fashion (or how over-rated Topshop is)…however, at some point I might also feel inclined to write about post-colonial theory or Freud, you never know.

To get you in the mood for what’s to come, I have composed this little piece of ‘poetic’ advice below and don’t ask me why I feel like I can give you advice, because trust me, I really need much more advice than I can give. For everybody still reading:

*High Five*

So here we go:

  1. Hands down the best Justin Timberlake song is “Cry Me a River”.
  2. Don’t fingerbang a g irl and then tell her you’re just friends, because friends don’t fingerbang friends. At least not in my world.
  3. If you have confidence issues, that’s fine, we all do, but do me a favour and don’t try to cover them up by being a cocky, mean or spiteful individual.
  4. You know what, everybody stalks people online, so get over it. Just don’t hide in the bushes outside his house. Like EVER!
  5. Guys, girls are shy too. They are just as scared of rejection and ridicule as you are. So just go and talk to them. But don’t ever say something like “Hi babe…” cause that’s just plain wrong. Say something like “ Hi I saw you and I like your skirt/shoes/socks/hair, would you like to go for a drink at some point?”
  6. Trust me (I don’t know how I came up with this number but it’s true) if you chat up/ask out 10 guys only one of them will be reasonably nice/decent/interesting/charming. So getting rejected 9 times is nothing. Just try again. Whatevs. You will never see them again, unless you incidentally chat up that hot guy, who works behind the counter in your favourite vintage store, now that sucks cause you can’t ever go there again, get a personal shopper instead!
  7. Sometimes, I think when girls say: “It’s his loss” they are just trying to delude themselves into thinking they are so much hotter/more intelligent/more fascinating/more interesting than the guy they wanted to be with, when in reality, they are just not pretty enough for him.
  8. Sometimes, I think when girls say: “It’s his loss”, it’s totally his loss because he couldn’t handle us.
  9. This whole ‘them’, ‘us’, ‘me’, ‘girls’, ‘I’ and ‘you’ thing is starting to confuse even me, maybe I should just proceed to write in the first person.
  10. If you (fuck did it again) like stuff that other people don’t find cool just stand up for it and don’t be embarrassed, cause who gives a shit what other people think. Nothing is sexier than to have an opinion/passion even if you’re passionate about Lostprophets…
  11. I like making lists.
  12. Just be honest. I know it can be fucking hard and painful but if you say “I’ll call you” then fucking call, and if you say “let’s go for a drink” then please take her out for a drink. If you don’t feel like it, don’t say it. However, if something significant happens in the 5 days to 5 weeks that you are not texting/emailing/phoning/seeming to be dead, just let her know! I.e. say something like “Hi you’re nice but I can’t really take you out anymore cause I met my future wife last week.” Easy! In all other cases, just do what I do and assume his plane crashed. His loss:)

Okay that’s enough for now, I’m sure I have scared most of my (2) readers off already, but for everybody still interested in my disconnected random ramblings, my next post will probably concern the nature of Dawson’s Creek and why Pacey is so much better than Dawson, but why Henry (you know that young blonde one, who dated Jen) is the best out of all of them!


Laters, Linda

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