Hi lovers, I know life is tough and it’s even tougher to say ‘hi’ to that really hot guy on the street. Man, I mean so much could happen right? He could laugh at you. He could point and laugh at you. He could just be really thick. He could be mute and that would be awkward. Most possibly though he will be flattered by your approach. So just get over it.
Anyway since I am a nice person, I thought I’ll help you out. So here are a few ways to say hi to some guy.
Hi.
Hi!
Hi? (not recommended)
Hello
Hey
What’s up?
How’s things?
How are you today?
What’s good?
What’s really good?
What’s really really good?
Yo
Mayo – You want some?
Major – London's? What a dick right?
Major - What's your's? Mine is applied human sciences.
Hello lovers, it's a beautiful day. Why? because not only are The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster releasing another album soon, but also because it's Friday and that means it's time for my (now) weekly fashion fix.
Are you excited? Of course you are my little chicken.
So please have a look what I think is mega-hyper-super kewl. Yes. This one is quite shoe heavy, don't really know why, but I am really loving those trainers with great prints.
First of all I have to apologise for my blog-hiatus. I know you missed me like crazy. Like a fat kid misses ice-cream. Like Britney misses codeine. Like I miss making sense. But hey I was uninspired what can I say? Life is hard.
However, and this is a big however, I am back. In full force. Yes. Will be hitting you with posts about skater-boys, 'New Moon' and possibly bodily fluids soon. Just you wait! But today I thought it might be a good idea to cuddle up, have a nice cup of tea, chill out and photo-blog about how I feel right now. I know. You know. You love it!
Hi lovers, I think I started writing this post a few months ago and then I forgot about it and now I just found it again. Why I never posted it, I don’t know, cause obvs all my writing is totally fabulous.
It goes a little like this:
We all know (now) that ‘New Moon’ was shite. Why is that, you’re asking?
Well, kids, let me say it bluntly, it sucks because the ingenious Catherine Hardwicke didn’t direct it. Instead they gave the job to that dumbass, who also directed the ‘Golden Compass’, I mean, come on, don’t be silly.
Anyway, today’s post does not concern the underwhelming performance of ‘New Moon’ but instead today’s post concerns the overwhelming quality of Hardwicke-directed film ‘Lords of Dogtown’.
Sidebar: ‘New Moon’ was shite because of a few reasons:
1.the slow motion undressing scenes – cringe
2.R-Pattz smudged male lipstick
3.the never-changing facial expressions
4.the shit soundtrack
5.the horrid CGI sequences
6.the nonsensical structure of the movie…..I mean even the teenage girls in the cinema burst out laughing and that surely meant something!
Anyway, rant over. In addition to ‘Lords of Dogtown’ I also wanna expand a bit on why skater boys are hot….who would have guessed, eh?
Okay so ‘Lords of Dogtown’ was epic. It had all the ingredients a good movie needs: friendship, drama, love, infatuation, jealousy, toplessness, curly hair, good shoes and ermm did I mention drama? On top of that it also had some of the hottest actors/wannabe skaters in it, which is always a good thing. See photos below. I loved the atmosphere of the film, its warmth and its colours. I also love the undercurrent of menace radiating from Heath Ledger. This was surely one of his finest roles as a drug-riddled loner, who dreams big but lives small.
If you have never see ‘Lords of Dogtown’ you should deffo check it out!!
Okay and whilst we’re at it, why not chat about how skateboarders have it all. It’s not only the most laid-back easy-going kind of sport, apart from chess that is, but it’s also connected to an interesting scene that links up culture, music and lifestyle. Talking skater-boys means:
sunshine + L.A. + Vans + rockhard abs + listening to Suicidal Tendencies all day long = pure bliss.
Fantastic. In order to underline my point please check out the photos below and please appreciate the youthful vigour and incredible style those skater boys exude.
And then when you’re in your thirties you don’t have to stop skating, just take your board to the office like my future husband here does:
Hi lovers, I had a thing once when I was getting to know this guy and it was going alright. Then we started chatting about music and he dropped the bomb “I don’t like Patrick Wolf.” I lost interest instantly. I mean really? How? Why? Are you insane?
Then he also said he doesn’t like The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster and it was truly over. Am I too snobbish? Maybe.
Thought about that recently and came to the conclusion that it’s a definite deal-breaker. So I decided to compile a neat little list of 10 albums that I cannot live without. 10 albums that any prospective boyfriend has to at least respect and appreciate, preferably love of course. Music is important.
Hi lovers, recently I was inspired by what one of my best friends said after yet another disastrous crush. She stated:
“You know what Linda you have to have a few tests to check out a guy is okay before you even get into it” And damn she is right.
I mean, lovers, we all know that I get attached emotionally quite easily, doesn’t take much. Sometimes actually a cute kitty picture is enough to make me fall in love with a guy who sent me that cute kitty picture. Sad really.
As a side note, I fall in love all the time. Don’t know what’s wrong with me, but literally it’s the smallest things make me go all dribbly over a boy. Like how he leans against the wall, what kind of shoes he wears, how his nose is wonkey, howhe has a little bit of pizza stuck to his mouth and doesn’t notice…..CRAZY!!!!!
So let’s get into this then. I figured out a few tests that could be helpful to do before you even start getting involved. They are quite me-specific, but feel free to adapt and to expand them.
There is the chicken test, which is pretty much self-spoken. “Hi hot guy, do you like chicken burgers?” If he says “Yes”: Bingo. If he says “No”: Bye Bye. An even better way to figure out how much he really loves the chicken is to just take him down Brick Lane and get him one of those £1 burgers and fries deals and if he devours it, that’s a good sign. If he orders a second one, future husband material! Sorry, lovers, but I do love the chicken.
Then there is the horniness test, which is pretty fucking self-spoken as well. If he just tries to kiss you again and again even though you turn your face the other way and he says stuff like “oh just relax, it will be fine”, he is not only a bad one, but you might as well have a future rapist on your hands. Erghhhhh, run! Also if he’s too pushy and has a one-tack mind, get rid of him asap. It’s not worth it sisters.
Then we have more intricate tests. Like the Kurt and Courtney test. Just casually ask him about his views on the whole Kurt and Courtney thing and if he goes off on a major rant how Courtney basically killed Kurt and fucked up the band and is the source of all evil, he needs to get a life. You know Yoko didn’t split up the Beatles either. Don’t even go there, girl.
Then we have my favourite test. The going on a random long bus journey test. First of all, I do love public transport. It doesn’t bother me. I find it quite poetic to be able to watch where you are going. Spiritual journey style. So if he hates public transport with a passion, that’s already not a good sign. However, if you then take him on a loooong bus journey to, say, Lewisham and he complains and whinges the entire time that the bus smells and is soooo slow, then just ‘forget’ him in Lewisham. Not good. Loving public transport shows that he has patience and compassion why else would he mingle with those ‘peasants’ otherwise. Just joking.
Lovers, I hope that helps. Be careful with your feelings and only grant people that love buses, Courtney and kitties access to your heart. Amen!
Hiya lovers, one of my frequent readers (yes there are three of them) has told me that I am like a crazy jumpy frog. You know going from “uhh I love boys” to “urghhhh I hate boys” and back about 235735 times a day. Well, I guess that’s true and that’s because it’s true, if you know what I mean. Feelings change and people change and people change how you feel about feelings and people. Maaaan, deep shit. Must listen to Die Antwoord again to get out of this philosophical mode and find my inner zef. Phew.
Anyway, long and rambling introduction over, today I wanna write about why relationships suck and why you are so much better off being single.
First of all, when you are in a relationship, you do not only loose your friends, social life and freedom, but oftentimes your loose your dignity too. Fuck that shit. No I don’t wanna adapt to someone to the degree where I loose my identity. Yes compromise is good, but being an individual with individual thoughts is probably better, cause we all know that we are gonna die alone. So it’s probs better (and more important) that you are happy with yourself rather than just happy ‘with’ someone.
Sometimes, I think about what happens when you are in a long-term relationship and even more often I think about what happens after you break up. Only after the break-up people realise that they have invested time, passion, money and soul into something that wasn’t worth it. You realise that you changed who you are just to make someone else happy. And most crucially you might also realise that if you have to change to be with someone, it probably wasn’t the right person. Anyway since you only hung out with your fabulous boyfriend, now after the inevitable break-up, you don’t even have a best friend anymore to whinge too. And that sucks. Big time.
So all that’s left to do is to embrace loneliness and make the most of it until you finally begged all your friends to come back and promised that you will never ditch them again for some boy. That is until *the right* one comes along. Stupid girl.
Now you are sitting in your living room crying your eyes out and checking his Facebook profile/Twitter profile every second. Then you are trying to hack his emails, cause that stupid guy once granted you access to his private emails just to prove that he isn’t cheating. Well what you didn’t know girl is that all his emails to his affairs go from his other email address. Stupid girl.
Anyway, don’t sulk girl. Pick yourself up. I know you can do it and whilst you are at it, celebrate being single. Cause you can only do certain things when you are single and completely and utterly alone.
These things include:
Just not shaving your legs. Whatever man!
Getting into the tightest black leotard and trying to recreate Beyonce’s ‘Single Ladies’ video. Actually when I think about it, any man would probably enjoy watching that. Hmmmm. Basic male instincts.
Totally indulge in your riot girl phase. Only listen to punk girl groups and shave your head. If Natalie Portman can do it, you can do it! Liberate yourself. Oh and whilst you are at it why not combine the two and listen to that band called ‘Natalie Portman’s Shaved Head’. Fan-fucking-tastic.
Watch the complete collection of Sex and the City in one go. Channel your inner Samantha.
Just pretend you are a super-model, dress up, go out, prance, look great and don’t give a shit.
Make angry tapes and send them to him saying something dramatic like “I curse the day you were born”. Yeah I know totes stole that from Charlotte from SATC. Duh!
Form a band and write songs. All the best music is about how love sucks.
And most importantly, reacquaint you with yourself. Does that make sense? Find out what makes you happy and what doesn’t. What you love and what you don’t. Fuck his opinion.
Hiya lovers when I was 17 I fell in love. Don’t we all? He was cute and I completely lost myself. I was naïve (I still am) and thought he is the most awesomest (really) person ever.
Now I think I was manically infatuated and he made my brain go all mushy and confused. But it was still blissful. Before he went out with some other bitch, that is.
And it is that bliss that makes falling in love/fancying/lusting after someone for the first time so special. I also think that the older you get, the more you loose that kind of emotion. You know all the disappointments make you bitter, all the bad experiences make you sceptical and all the heartbreak makes you more guarded.
However, in case you haven’t felt that kind of thing before. Or in case you do feel that kind of thing all the time, let me give you some ‘feedback’ on how you know you’re totally crushed out.
You wanna perv all over him on Farcebook. All day. All night. And if some bee-atch posts something on his wall you wanna stab her, from behind, several times.
You think his jokes are ‘funny’.
You ‘don’t mind’ his smelly friends. (Yet!)
You ‘don’t mind’ that his favourite band is some obscure harp-rave-chillwave quartet from Canada, who actually make you wanna stab yourself, from behind, several times.
You ‘don’t mind’ that he ‘casually’ smokes spliff.
When you go and visit him in his house for the first time, you ‘don’t mind’ that the thing in the cage by his bed that you thought was a hamster, is actually a snake. (You start getting first doubts right then though)
You listen to Bon Iver’s ‘For Emma, Forever Ago’ and it makes you happy. (FYI easily THE most depressing album ever)
You are just staying in bed all day being unproductive. And you are not ill. Well maybe mentally.
If he lives in Poplar or Blackwall, you ‘don’t mind’ going there. I mean girl….really?
Ultimately, you know that you are crushed out if everything you do reminds you of him. Whilst brushing your teeth, you think of kissing. Whilst eating toast, you think of kissing. Whilst picking socks, you think of kissing. Whilst watching ‘Friends’ you remember that he fancies Rachel. And then you wanna stab her, from behind, several times. Errrrr.
Being crushed out is great. It’s also exhausting. Girls, be careful and chill out! And let’s all follow The Maccabees’ words of wisdom: “First Love, Last Love, It’s Only Love”.
Recently I got quite upset about some douchebag and his meaningless opinions. Then I realised that he has major confidence issues and hence has to make other people feel bad to make himself feel better. What it comes down to though is that he is miserable and lonely and sorry for himself. Then I wanted to go into a self-righteous rant about that wankbag (I am making up new insults as I go along) but I decided, rather than waste my time, I will write about friendship instead, cause let’s face it, it’s more important and more fun.
I seriously admire that thing guys do. ‘Bromance over Romance’. That’s the spirit more girls need, I guess. Sisters should stick together and get down with that little something called loyalty. So here are a few ways to know that your friends are the shizzle.
If you are feeling down, real friends dress up in the most ridiculous outfits and impersonate people that you love/hate just to get a little smile.
Real friends make you laugh, mostly about really inappropriate bodily fluids jokes.
Real friends perpetually tell you to get a grip.
Real friends can have the time of their life with you even if you are stuck on public transport somewhere in Lewisham.
Real friends get semi-naked with you for semi-lesbian photoshoots for semi-art projects without batting an eyelash. Keep your eyes peeled on Mark Adlington’s blog.
Real friends make sure that they hold your hair when you puke.
Real friends collect the shoe that you lost during a stage invasion when you were 17 years old.
Real friends will always remember the good times.
Real friends wish you well and don’t envy your happiness.
Real friends totally get that it’s not about ‘him’, but about ‘the idea’ of him.
Real friends are always stuffing their mouth with chicken when the guy you really fancy walks past, so that you don’t look like a pig, but they do instead.
Real friends are what are making this whole thing worthwhile.
Hi lovers, OMG I totes forgot the HOTTEST guy on TV like EVER! Jonathan Rhys Meyers. How did he escape my mind? He doesn’t only have a drinking and drug problem, but he is also a bit wonky-looking but in a good way. Anyway, look at those eyes, look at that body, look at those problems. What happened that I forgot about Jonathan! Anyway here’s a picture homage to the one and only from The Tudors!
I would like to introduce to you the 'Top 10 hottest guy on TV' Linda-style. In this very order top to bottom.
1. Simon from Misfits: I mean what else is there to say? He is weird, weird-looking, totally out of it, incredibly issue-laden and wearing amazingly tailored sharp shirts. Perfect future-husband material!
2. Jordan Catalano from My So-called Life: OMG. Could he be any hotter? I mean really? So aloof, so bored all the time, so sensitive, so in a shitty band, so crush-worthy. He will end up working in a supermarket, but for now he's a total heartbreaker!
3. Michael Scofield from Prison Break: Sharp in looks and brains. Body. Tattoos. Eyes. Enough said.
4. Jack from Lost: Not only does he totally cater for anybody with daddy complexes but he's also a doctor, a therapist, a hottie, a good listener and a builder all morphed into one person. Simply a guy who fixes things. And God do I love a guy who fixes things. Yum.
5. Henry from Dawson's Creek: Just read this post.
6. Jess from Gilmore Girls: 1 part Bad-Boy + 1 part literature student + a little bit of moddy teenage charm = H.O.T.
7. Seth Cohen from the O.C.: I know I know many of you would have classed him higher but little Seth is a bit too neurotic to make it into the top 5. Anyway, yes he is still totes hot. I mean the jumpers, the music obsession, the puppy dog eyes, the inexperienced demeanour, the 'Chrismukkah'. Loving the Seth.
8. Derek aka McDreamy from Grey's Anatomy: Another doctor. Another hottie. The hair is quite good too.
9. Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Controversial this one, I do realise that. But before all that Twilight hype came along, Spike here was already everything you'd hope a vampire could be. Threatening, darkly sexy, fascinating, appalling and appealing. Additionally when Buffy made out with him it was like the universe would implode. Miaouw.
10. Eric Forman from That 70s Show: Yes I struggled a bit with this one. But I mean he is geek enough to make it into the list. And anybody who can pull off those flares with his grace still intact should at least be in this list. Well done.
