Hi lovers, you know that my wisdom is nearly infinite but every now and then even I need help. So I asked a very good mate / sister in self-analysis / wisdom-wonder-woman and returning guest blogger R. for some advice.
There you have it.
1.
“I’ll text you...”
Nothing good
can ever come of this half-arsed, wishy-washy sign off. It’s not a promise of a
future date, a sign of lingering affection or anything else that might warm
your little heart. The only text that will be coming your way (if at all) is
the “we’re not a match” one. Take this one as a sign to put this dude in the
metaphorical bin and move on to the next.
2.
“I’m just at a really busy time
in my life right now.”
Now, this one could very well be true. Guys have all the
stresses and time drains that we deal with. But frankly, unless you’re carrying
the weight of the world on your shoulders, you’ll find a way to fit that
special person into your busy life. Or, you’ll have the sense to leave dating
alone until you actually have the time to do it properly.
3.
The procrastinator.
You haven’t
been dumped and he’s still replying to your messages, but somehow you haven’t
nailed down that next date. Chances are he’s juggling other dates, is just too
yellow-bellied to end it, or is currently having kittens over the fact he’s got
past the third date. Whatever reason, a sudden lack of enthusiasm is just that.
And why would you want someone who’s not head over heels about the thought of
seeing your gorgeous face?
4.
“If only you were….”
STOP. Stop
right there. Any dicksplash who demands a change in your fabulous natural state
in order to love you has either been brought up to think that airbrushed,
lifeless dolls are a desirable love match or just has the emotional depth of a
paddling pool. Look in the mirror and love your body hair, your extra pounds,
your ridiculous dress sense, your scars and your stretchmarks. Then realise
that singledom is vastly preferable to a guy who wants to shape you into his
own perfect blow-up doll.
5.
Scarpering after sex.
Oh god,
you did it. A night of the horizontal tango and you feel great. Except, the
slavering hound you previously had fight off with a stick has now turned into a
kittycat; cute, but ultimately distant. Did you fuck up fucking? Unless you’re
into spiralling self-doubt and chipping away at your sexual self-esteem,
don’t even give this thought any room in your beautiful head. It might be
that he’s lost the thrill of the chase, perhaps he’s devastated you didn’t
entertain his toenail fetish, either way, any guy who can’t bear to stick
around after you popped your cork for him is not the one for you.
Girl, love
yourself.