Re: Solution

Hello lovers, today I had a really productive day. I spent some time twittering up random LA bands telling them that I want to exchange bodily fluids with them (and none of those fuckers got back to me yet), played cards with my mum, watched Gilmore Girls and didn’t judge Rory for sleeping with Dean (FINALLY), got informed about what the most amazing and most deranged Jamie Lee Curtis Taete is up to and because he is not up to much other than going through some b-celebrities rubbish, I got so fucking bored I goggled “You know what fuck it”. Man that was the highlight of my day cause this emo kid’s love life rant came up and it made me cry a little salty tear. Anyway it goes a little like this (and I am not going to correct all the spelling or punctuation mistakes):

“you know what fuck it... ^^yeah.. i can sit around.. i can let you fucking get to me,i can go back to how i was,I CAN sit around and be depressed... BUT THATS NOT WHO THE FUCK I AM... im not gonna put up with your shit,i dont have to,your not worth it,maybe parts of my life suck,but my lifes amazing whether your in it or not,my family may be fucked up.. but their still my family and i love every single one of them,and you may just be another lying cheating whore,but im used to it thats all i ever get! SO FUCK YOU i can do better baby trust me ;D and of courseee... i could be an asssss... and i could tell you ive been cheating on you the entire timeee... or blah blah blah but i wont,cuz whether i was faithful or not doesnt matter at this point”

Yes I know I know I can hear Thirty Seconds to Mars playing in the background too, but I had to share this little gem regardless. Also first of all I have to say, RESPECT bro, at least you are talking about your feelings, now that’s a step forward. Secondly, all I can say is WTF? I mean what does this thing ^^ at the beginning of the rant mean? Also I don’t really get the point of this cheating discourse. Now have you or haven’t you? And why for Christ’s sake did I find this on a Vampire Lovers' forum…are you talking about R-Pattz?

Hmmm, let’s leave this little poetic treasure behind and move on with my life. So New Year’s is coming up fast and people usually tend to make up all sorts of visionary future promises and health/love-life/money related resolutions, but you guessed it, I am not a big fan of that crap, cause it never happens anyway. People are too lazy. BUT and now that’s a capital but, I have thought about a little New Year’s resolution too. WOW!

Sidebar: I think this might be my most meaningless and disconnected blog entry yet…It’s probably going to lose me my 2 readers. Fuck.

So back to my resolution. Actually I have made two. And the funny thing is that they contradict each other massively, now that’s going to be a proper challenge. First I am on a mission to bring back romance in 2010 and yes I am talking the whole works: flowers, opening the door for a lady i.e. me), arranging the chair, taking the coat, not putting out too early, listening to music together and writing little letters of affection rather then Twitter twattering it up. My second resolution is to not talk about emotional stuff anymore and basically turn into a boy…haven’t really figured out yet how I am going to do that, but it’s certainly going to be interesting, especially in conjunction with resolution #1. Ha!

Have a lovely 2010 and join me on my mission. We can make out after date number four I reckon. Boom.

Laters Linda

Gender Bender

Hello lovers, I have a feeling that this is not gonna be a funny one. Today I am discussing the ever mysterious question why girls and boys are so fucking different. Or aren’t they? Hmm well, let’s see.

It’s Christmas time hence I have been watching loads of über cheesy Christmas romances on telly. I have to admit though that the one with Jude Law, Cameron Diaz and Kate Winslet wasn’t that bad, it kinda struck a nerve…anyway I am digressing again. Whilst watching these saccharine romances it struck me how gender roles are portrayed in them. Completely stereotypical and static that is. Sooo it got me thinking. Is there some truth to it? Do girls always have to be passive and cute and talk a lot? And do boys always have to be the protector, the ones who take care of things and don’t talk???

Okay so here are a few things that I want/need/must know answers to: Why do girls always have to be so vocal about stuff and why can’t they ever shut the fuck up. Especially with me it’s that I always have to talk (LOADS) about the boy I currently fancy/hate/find annoying and even though I have detected that if I just don’t talk about it; I stop caring much earlier, I still can’t ever shut the fuck up. Hence I make life harder for myself…anybody ever got the same problem or is it me-specific??

That brings me right to my next point; boys just don’t talk about feelings and is that why they just don’t care most of the time? Is it because they don’t analyse a situation (any situation) to death that they can simply forget about it in like 5 seconds? I wanna be like that too, just not bother with shit.

I also admire that thing in boys (at least what I think it is, not that I KNOW it’s really there) that they can easily compartmentalise their feelings, which girls don’t seem to be able to do. I mean they can just have one-night stands and feel fine afterwards whereas I believe girls get attached instantly, not only with sex even with just a kiss, and now that’s sucky, don’t you agree? But maybe it’s also more genuine, I don’t know…and another thing how come for boys there’s two categories of girls, the ones they wanna shag and the ones they wanna marry, whereas for girls there’s only the categories of the ones they want to be friends with and the ones they want to be in love with? Seems a bit unfair doesn’t it? I want some non-committal brainless fun too, but I guess my heart doesn’t. And then we come to the unspeakable, does it really all come down to evolution? Boys wanna spread their seed and girls want to have babies...damn.

Okay some other things that bother me: Why is it when girls have cats they get called ‘oh that one’ or ‘spinster’ straight way and when boys have cats it ‘cute’. Unfair! Why do girls always have to wave? I have never !!!NEVER!!! seen a boy wave? Why? Why do girls over-analyse everything, do boys analyse too and just not talk about it, is that the difference, I must know! Is sex really that important for boys and why? Why do they need it more than girls, or do they? Why are good bands male? Why are there no (or hardly any) good female bands especially when it comes to more noisy/hardcore music? I don’t know any female band that does wall-of-sound music but about 3656 male bands that do, why? And yes I know I know there are some female bands but ‘The Like’ aren’t a particularly good example, are they? Do boys check their mobile when they are expecting a text/call from someone they fancy and if yes do they check it every 10 seconds too? Guess what I don’t think they do, I believe they probably go and play football somewhere and then when the girl finally texts they have just finished the game and gone to the pub, which means that she will have to wait for a reply for 56 minutes, exactly….and there we go again, boys don’t wait for texts, they have better things to do. And my final question is: Is ‘the fear’ universal? Do boys get the fear and yes I know they get commitment fear but do they also get the ‘Oh dear I don’t know if I am handsome/smart/funny/worthy enough fear’??

Dear readers oh please enlighten me.

Laters, Linda

Visual Intelligence

Hello lovers, Christmas (Christmess?) is upon us, yay! To celebrate the occassion I thought it might be nice to verge away a bit from my pattern of the 'brainy' written word and rather indulge in some visual fun.

Hence here is a collection of some nice still life photos from my home. Enjoy!!!

P.S. I realised that I have shitloads of pink stuff, maybe I am a typical girl, urghhhh...






























Loving you all,

Laters Linda

Dawson Reeks

Yes and yes and yes and yes……and YES! The day has finally come. I mean no I didn’t get my period or something, but today I will examine and encode the behavioral patterns of the boys of Dawson’s Creek….or in other words I will talk about who’s hot and who’s not, who’s a mummy’s boy and who beats off way too much (all Dawson)

But first here is a lovely illustration that the talented Mark Adlington made about the series




Dawson:

I mean first of all what kinda name is Dawson anyway? It already sounds soppy and weak. Okay also he’s a film geek, which at first sight does not seem too bad, but for fuck’s sake he’s heavily into Spielberg, not Soderbergh or Lynch, which at face-value just screams ‘mummy’s boy with issues, who beats off way too much’. Dawson’s is a little cry baby with bad hair and a worse style, his beige baggies put me off like nothing else and even though some of his checked shirts are bearable the way here wears them (open with an ugly grey oversized shirt underneath) make me wanna throw up in my mouth and then swallow it. I also hated the fact that he is quite obviously dealing with confidence issues (which is not a problem in itself) and a lot of repressed teenage lust, which he projects on Jen and hence totally objectifies her and Dawson, son, Jen is way too hot for you, play within your league, please. Finally if Dawson was a band, he would so be Vampire Weekend trotting down the lost path somewhere between ugly preppy boy, misunderstood Avril Lavigne fan and, ermmm, loser.

Dawson: Get lost!

Pacey:

Now Pacey is a whole other kettle of fish. He is not good-looking in a conventional sense but he’s got this brooding bad boy charm, which everyone with ovaries loves. Pacey is funny but also a bit twisted, which is hot. He looks like a hell of a kisser as well, and his weirdo haircut is perfectly imperfect. He is a bit like Thora Birch in ‘Ghost World’, a lovable outsider, who strikes the right balance between weird and intriguing. AND we all know he lost his virginity to that teacher and now that’s a story. AND then he took Joey’s virginity (and even though it wasn’t very good apparently) now that’s a BIGGER story, cause Joey was an uptight chick. I also loved the scene when Pacey ‘teaches’ Joey how to ‘drive’ and of course we all know that that symbolises something completely different, but it was still very cute cause he was attentive and quirky and funny and considerate, weep weep. In real life the Pacey character is dating Diane Krueger and whoa real-life Pacey must be the bomb too, cause she’s a 10 babe. See below:



If Pacey was a band, I reckon he would be MGMT, because he’s cheerful with dark undertones and a lot of spark.

Pacey: Hello babe!

Henry:

Now I am a self-proclaimed Henry obsessive. I think he’s a hot, cute, different, and totally fuckable. Henry might be the most genuine character in the Creek and his innocence and vulnerability make him all the more hot. I lurve his inexperienced antics and his openness about it. He never feels the need to macho it out and pretend to be something he is not, because he has enough confidence and trust in himself, it becomes unnecessary. He is self-secure in a very un-show off way and that’s way sexy. I loved the episode when Henry gives blood in order to buy Jen a Valentine's Day present (yes the old days when you still gave blood and still got money for it and when you still bought present for your date) and then he faints because he gave too much (he gave TOO MUCH - awwwwww) and they sort of have their date in hospital. Now that’s what I call the prefect date, all the pressure gone and loads of jelly. Henry plays football and he is also into literature striking the right balance between sporty and intellectual, bless him. Henry declares his feeling for Jen openly and even though it borders on the cringe-worthy, he pulls it off with those big blue puppy eyes, man I love the Henry. To end this praise of Henry I believe that he is the kind of guy that you can introduce to your parents and they will love him and then you can do dirty stuff in their bedroom afterwards. If Henry was a band he would be Death Cab For Cutie and that says it all really.

Ohhhh and before I forget, here is a reminder why Henry’s character Michael Pitt is hot:

Henry: I want your saliva!

The guy with the massive eyebrows who briefly dated Joey:

Enough said:

Laters Linda

wishing well

Hello lovers, how you doin'?

It occurred to me that I have dwelt way too much on the negative in my last two post and now I would like to rectify that by posting something positive...and what could be more positive that engaging in nihilstic consumer culture, eh? Righty, yes here is my Christmas wishlist and if you really love me (and I know that you do) you will get at least one of the following items for me...

Thanks a lot:)

I would love to have this in order to be able to ride to work and to NOT wait for the bus at least 25 minutes each and every day:



Then I would also like this if I ever have to walk to work (a looong way):



Or this for being chauffeured to work by my new super rich husband's driver:



Then I could also deal with some of that and that for parteeeee:





Or with some of that for quiet nights in (You gotta love the Whitney):



Furthermore, I would also like a piece of that:




Laters, Linda

Shit happens...

Hello all, I have had a very contemplative time recently. Shit happens. Shit happened to me. I was sad and upset and cried and that made me think about things. I am now slightly happier, which is good, I guess. Anyway, this post will be about how in the end we are all alone, cheerful I know.

So did you ever think about how only really and truly you are the only person on this planet who fully understands you. It sounds weird and I am sure the sentence is grammatically incorrect too. But it’s true. Ties with lovers, friends and family only go so deep but the deepest and most profound relationship you will ever have is with yourself, I sound like a fucking motivational coach now, but it needs to be said.

I have talked to quite a few friends recently, who have just come out of long-term or long-long-term relationships and what it comes down to is that all said they felt like they didn’t really know their partner after they were dumped. How after spending five up to 15 years with somebody would you be able to say that kind of thing? It sucks. And that’s why have come to the conclusion that nobody ever really knows you, I might as well play a fucking my Chemical Romance song now, but noo I haven’t gone emo. Calm down.

However, what I am trying to express is that even you fully trust somebody and you are totally crushed out and you think you know everything about that person, you don’t. You simply don’t! Because people don’t share everything, they cannot, they are embarrassed about their little quirks or whatever, and they are embarrassed they have disgusting thoughts and would never bother you with them; they don’t want to hurt you by telling you that that girl over there on the street is much hotter than you, so just forget it. I am NOT trying to say that you should become a paranoid and lonely old wrench but a little self-awareness and carefulness cannot be wrong either, can it? Be aware that you might be lured into thinking that other person you are in love/lust with is 100% sharing everything and that you can read him like an open book but essentially he is just another stranger that you have had sex with.

I am not advocating being a life-time loner/single/weirdo here, get me right, all I am saying is that please love yourself more than you love anybody else, because the relationship you have with yourself is the most long-lasting, profound and sincere.

Now go and make out.

Laters, Linda

First Love, Last Love, it's only Love...

Hello sugar faces, lately I have been reminiscing about past loves and heartbreaks and it struck me how we always tend to categorise these times in life and how we try and take something from every single ‘episode’- at least that’s what I think people do, I certainly do.

Well there’s your fist love, which might be the most exciting/intense/pure one in anybody’s life. My first love certainly shaped what kind of guys I like, still today. He was in a band and he was very pretty in a boyish way and a bit aloof. He was also very self-aware and self-doubting. He was melancholic and I read that as being deep and mysterious. I was completely smitten with him and thought he was anything I could ever ask for. I was obsessed. Then he went off with another girl and my world broke down. Sometimes I think if I ever saw him again now, I would either still like him like I used to or I would think what was that all about? Probably the latter. Anyway, I am grateful for that first love because it was intense and it made me feel. It showed me the power of liking someone, and I am not calling it the L word for sure, because I doubt that your first ‘love’ ever really justifies the L word.

Then there was the ‘mentor’ one. The one that opens new horizons and that makes you think about stuff like you have never thought about stuff before. And I am not talking in the bedroom here, get your mind out of the gutter, please. I am talking about spirituality, philospohy, religion, film, desire and, you know, stuff like that. He is usually a bit older and way cooler than you are, but he never shows off. He is a wise man and in my case he partly made me the person I am today. I used to be incredibly shy and extremely self-aware, but he showed me that giving is so much more fulfilling than receiving and he made me realise that you first have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with anybody else. This guy was crucial to my life and I will always carry warmth for him in my heart.

Then we have the significantly older guy, the one that is not your type for some reason, but that doesn’t matter as there’s just physical attraction. The older guy taught me that ‘types’ are bullshit and that you can fall for anyone. He introduced me to music I hated, he showed me the virtue of patience and talked about film a lot. He made me see that being passionate and having fire doesn’t fade with age (sorry I make him sound like he’s 88….gross…when he was actually just 40). I think I am sharing way too much information right now….urghhhh. Anyway, what I want to say is that it’s good to think outside of the box, because you might just like what you find. I certainly did.

And finally we have the douche bag. Oh dear. Yes we all are guilty of liking complete knobs (ha ha) at some point. When I was at uni I was obsessed with a complete idiot and I thought his stupid remarks were funny and that his silly insecure jibes were hilarious. However, deep down they were just cringe-worthy. When I look back now he’s the only one I am truly embarrassed about because he’s a loser and I don’t tend to use that word lightly. He was a misogynist brat, which I 'interpeted' as being cocky and flirty. What it comes down to was that he loved himself more than he ever loved anybody else and that he probably still thinks he’s the greatest. Sad. Dickhead. However, on the plus side he taught me that I simply should never settle for people that are not worthy of my attention and that I can do much better. Physical attraction is one thing but if there’s no intellectual spark, then just dump him for God’s sake. It’s way better being single than being with somebody annoying.

Right enough of my life for now. I really have to get onto those Dawson’s Creek episodes now cause I feel guilty not examining every single detail of Pacey and Joey’s relationship for you. Boom.

Laters, Linda

Are 'cool' people missing out?

Hello sweet faces, how are you this morning?

I slept very well thank you, though I had the most random dream that I dyed all my hair back to brunette and now I am wondering whether that was a sign to actually go there. Hmmm what do you, yes YOU, reckon??

Anyway today I will blog about ‘cool’ kids. It’s a daunting task but someone’s got to do it right? Recently I have been deliberating the stigma of ‘cool’ and wondering whether it’s restrictive rather than liberating.

Personally, I couldn’t care less if people thought I was cool or not. And who defines what cool is anyway? Certainly not the hipster in Hoxton, or Vice Magazine, or Merok Records for that matter…

I consider myself to be blessed with a cool group of friends and not cool because they are decked out in Topshop from head to toe or cool because they go to the maddest underground raves, but cool because they celebrate diversity and aren’t afraid to have a good time in whatever environment, and yes that could be a cheesy R’N’B club, as much as it could be a laid-back, quaint tea-party or a cutting-edge vernissage. Not only is the stigma of cool limiting and marginalising, but it also takes so much effort and energy to uphold that façade constantly. You know if you feel like dancing along to Jon Bon Jovi, just fucking do it, who decides that you can’t?

I find it saddening and demoralising that some people feel the need to conceal parts of their personality just to fit into some kind of scene. If you don’t belong to that scene just being yourself, then certainly that’s a sign that you shouldn’t bother in the first place! You are robbing yourself of many valuable experiences by living in this cage of “oh look at her Christopher Kane shoes” and what it comes down to is that in the end we all dribble and nobody gives a shit how hip you were at 18. What ultimately matters is whether you have developed an interesting personality that marries life experience with wit and intelligence, which, for me, is the pinnacle of cool.

Sometimes, I have wondered why people invest so much energy to be at the hippest events and hang out with the hippest hipsters and I certainly have been guilty of that superficial allure at some point as well, but I believe that by validating yourself through others, i.e. your scene, you are trying to hide a deep insecurity and feeling of inadequacy. By creating your own niche, that thoroughly defines who you are and that nobody can live up to, you are authenticating your ‘uniqueness’, but you are also inaugurating a self-created isolation. And doesn’t sound so much fun, does it? And isn’t the main drive to belong to a scene to counter-act that feeling of isolation? Chasing after an ultimate stereotype that is defined by others, may that be MTV or NME, is hollow and the coolest people are those open to new ideas and influences.

One last thing that I have to moan about is how hard it is to speak to ‘cool’ people because you constantly have to navigate through a minefield of what to say and what not to say. Can you mention the last look in, ermmmm, ‘Look’ or can you only talk about French Vogue? Can you mention the newest release on Universal Music or do you have to confine yourself talking exclusively about every single ever released on Young Turks? Yes ALL 6 of them.

To wrap up this little rant, I would like to share what I think is cool. Uhhhh danger.

It’s cool to be genuine.

It’s cool to dance to ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’.

It’s cool to geek out about films, literature and art.

It’s cool to read Teen Vogue even when you’re 25.

It’s cool to just hang with your friends without feeling the pressure that you have to go to the coolest party ever.

It’s cool to be yourself and to not be scared of it.

It's cool to know what Lacanian Theory is.

It’s cool to get excited about the ‘Can I has cheezeburger’ cat.


It’s cool to hula-hoop.


It’s cool not to take yourself too seriously.

It’s cool to express your views and to stand up for your beliefs.

Okay enough preaching for now. My next post will so deal with bodily fluids again! Yay!

Laters cool kids. Ha!

Linda

Are you serious?

Hello lovers sorry for my 4 (!!!!) days of absense (is that how you spell it, im well tired) but I have been living the bender dream and riding the wave in paradise, if you know what I mean?

Oh and by the way, 'If you know what I mean' is so my new catch phrase though I am a bit worried that it's too chav-tastic, if you know what I mean?

Anyway, I digress, as per usual, tonight's post is all about boys, so no surprise there....

I will be 'discussing' and 'dissecting' 10 ways of how not to get hung up on a boy. Read and learn, or maybe just have a good laugh. Shizzle my humour (??) is totally not working tonight, forgive me dear readers, maybe it's because of the time of night or due to my lack of sleep, food, drink, proper contemplation time or general rest.

So here we go

Linda's top ten tips of how to avoid being hung up on a guy:

1. Make out with a randomer

2. Make out with a hot guy

3. Make out with your hang-up's best mate

4. Make out with your hang-up's ex-girlfriend (ouch)

5. Wear a fabulous dress and get many compliments for it

6. Get a reality check and come to terms with the fact that he's a loser/mega-minger/boring/so not your type or all of the above...if he's a right babe though, now that would suck, but come on, let's be serious, that's not gonna happen

7. Look at his disgusting toes, nails, teeth or hair long enough

8. Listen to him talk about himself/his crappy music taste endlessly. Alternatively, listen to him whine about his shitty life endlessly. That will put you right off

9. Just hang out with your mates and and realise that they are way more fun

10. Just don't go there in the first place. No hook up, no hang up!


Now give me a hug, it's gonna be okay, I promise.

I also made a Spotify Playlist for your pleasure, it's called "Now fuck off boy"...Enjoy!
http://open.spotify.com/user/lindahyper/playlist/7cpxq3L4IAd9thZQqvzFbi

Love you!

Laters Linda

APTBS

Helllloooo lovers, here is a (very) short piece I wrote for Gigwise's 'Albums of the Year' about the absolutely brilliant A Place To Bury Strangers.

It goes a little like this:

A Place To Bury Strangers – Exploding Head

A Place to Bury Strangers describe themselves as “total sonic annihilation” and, quite frankly, that pretty much nails it. Their sophomore effort ‘Exploding Head’ is one of the most immensely powerful, dynamic and dark albums of the year. You don’t have to be a massive fuzz fanatic or connoisseur of wanking guitar solos to appreciate A Place to Bury Strangers’ cataclysmic walls of sound, relentlessly feverish energy, fusion of dissonant guitar riffs or superb song-writing. You just have to have a beating heart. Structure, melody, noise and emotion all melt into one big Rock’n’Roll mind-fuck leaving the listener stunned and feeling like they just woke from an opium-induced haze. ‘Exploding Head’ might easily be the rawest post-punk, freak-out rock I have ever heard and that, dear readers, is a great thing. This album needs to be played loud and even if your neighbours hate you afterwards, trust me, it’s worth it.

Consummation

I heard your heart beating.

The more I touched you, the faster it was beating.

I wanted to eat it.

(Illustration by Mark Adlington)

Today I’m graduating in the art of ignoring boys, MSc…or maybe not

Morning Everyone!



So I guess my Dawson’s Creek post will have to be delayed until I have actually watched Dawson’s Creek again, but not that horrible episode when Pacey breaks up with Joey during their prom on that boat, cause breaking up on a boat must suck, big time! Plus Pacey was behaving like an egomaniacal, insecure spoilt brat, but I digress and yes more on that later!





Today’s post actually concerns the nature of why boys must be ignored to be intrigued. You guessed it, not my specialty really. But after chatting extensively to my friends and always hearing the same advice (“Just don’t reply”, “Just pretend you don’t like him”, “Just don’t ever tell him you think he’s hot”, “Just don’t ever make the first step”) I have come to the conclusion that boys are weird. Yes.





I believe that there’s no harm in telling anybody that you think they rock your world or that they are funny/hot/charming/hot/all of the above (yes I KNOW I said hot twice) but I guess in real life that’s a major problem! Why? Because it freaks boys out and they think we think about babies and buying a house together, but we don’t. Well at least I don’t. All I think is wow that guy is funny/hot/charming/hot/all of the above (yes I KNOW I said hot twice) and that I wouldn’t mind spending some more time with him. Easy.





However, I have to qualify what I just said because recently I have experienced the same situation, just in reverse. And guess what? It freaked me out big time and totally put me off, because the boy in question just seemed so needy and pathetic. I reckon that anybody, who seems too available, is lowered in my estimation because being in demand equals being hot property and who doesn’t want hot property? It’s the competitive streak in us, isn’t it?





However, I believe that telling somebody that you want to be with them is not that much of a problem in the first place; the problem comes after that first step. Do I text first? Does he text first? Does he even remember me? If I felt like that, did he feel like that too? All these questions just fuck you up and make you feel insecure and paranoid (not a good look). And that’s when the problem arises. Whoever texts first, puts themselves (and their feelings) out there first and then the power dynamics are set for the entirety of the relationship. And trust me you don’t want to hold less power than him, cause that just makes you his bitch.





So, I guess my advice is that if he actually likes you/is intrigued in some way, shape or form, he will eventually (1 day up to 1 week) reply and if he is not intrigued anymore/does not want to talk to you, then I guess that’s it. Don't waste your time on him. You don’t know what might be going on in his life and you will never find out, so just move on. I know it sucks and it seems like too much effort, but that’s life and you can’t win the game without playing it…now I just have to follow my own advice, and yes S**n I am talking to you.




Laters, Linda

What's in it for me?

Hello everybody, so today is that fateful day. I have given in and started my own blog. Yadda yadda I know it’s soooo over, but whatevs. So, why, I hear you asking?

Well, first of all (and most importantly) I love to rant and I love my friends but my friends don’t love when I rant about my life/love-life/lack of love-life to them, so The Book of Linda will be my emotional outlet for every single bit of brain dump that I can come up with.

Now doesn’t that sound fascinating and like a good read? Thought so!

I guess I will write about everything that comes to me, but obviously The Book of Linda is mainly about boys, men, self-analysis, music, loads of it, film and TV (mainly Dawson’s Creek and Kevin Smith films) and maybe a tiny bit of fashion (or how over-rated Topshop is)…however, at some point I might also feel inclined to write about post-colonial theory or Freud, you never know.

To get you in the mood for what’s to come, I have composed this little piece of ‘poetic’ advice below and don’t ask me why I feel like I can give you advice, because trust me, I really need much more advice than I can give. For everybody still reading:

*High Five*

So here we go:

1. Hands down the best Justin Timberlake song is “Cry Me a River”.
   
   
2. Don’t fingerbang a g irl and then tell her you’re just friends, because friends don’t fingerbang friends. At least not in my world.
3. If you have confidence issues, that’s fine, we all do, but do me a favour and don’t try to cover them up by being a cocky, mean or spiteful individual.
4. You know what, everybody stalks people online, so get over it. Just don’t hide in the bushes outside his house. Like EVER!
5. Guys, girls are shy too. They are just as scared of rejection and ridicule as you are. So just go and talk to them. But don’t ever say something like “Hi babe…” cause that’s just plain wrong. Say something like “ Hi I saw you and I like your skirt/shoes/socks/hair, would you like to go for a drink at some point?”
6. Trust me (I don’t know how I came up with this number but it’s true) if you chat up/ask out 10 guys only one of them will be reasonably nice/decent/interesting/charming. So getting rejected 9 times is nothing. Just try again. Whatevs. You will never see them again, unless you incidentally chat up that hot guy, who works behind the counter in your favourite vintage store, now that sucks cause you can’t ever go there again, get a personal shopper instead!
7. Sometimes, I think when girls say: “It’s his loss” they are just trying to delude themselves into thinking they are so much hotter/more intelligent/more fascinating/more interesting than the guy they wanted to be with, when in reality, they are just not pretty enough for him.
8. Sometimes, I think when girls say: “It’s his loss”, it’s totally his loss because he couldn’t handle us.
9. This whole ‘them’, ‘us’, ‘me’, ‘girls’, ‘I’ and ‘you’ thing is starting to confuse even me, maybe I should just proceed to write in the first person.
10. If you (fuck did it again) like stuff that other people don’t find cool just stand up for it and don’t be embarrassed, cause who gives a shit what other people think. Nothing is sexier than to have an opinion/passion even if you’re passionate about Lostprophets…
11. I like making lists.
12. Just be honest. I know it can be fucking hard and painful but if you say “I’ll call you” then fucking call, and if you say “let’s go for a drink” then please take her out for a drink. If you don’t feel like it, don’t say it. However, if something significant happens in the 5 days to 5 weeks that you are not texting/emailing/phoning/seeming to be dead, just let her know! I.e. say something like “Hi you’re nice but I can’t really take you out anymore cause I met my future wife last week.” Easy! In all other cases, just do what I do and assume his plane crashed. His loss:)

Okay that’s enough for now, I’m sure I have scared most of my (2) readers off already, but for everybody still interested in my disconnected random ramblings, my next post will probably concern the nature of Dawson’s Creek and why Pacey is so much better than Dawson, but why Henry (you know that young blonde one, who dated Jen) is the best out of all of them!

Laters, Linda